


Everything you didn’t say

by World_of_AUs



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22322893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/World_of_AUs/pseuds/World_of_AUs
Summary: The one where not enough was said.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Dolores | Dot (Captain America movies), James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 53





	1. The Mistakes We’ve Made

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Sunday lovelies! Here I am coming at you with another AU! I personally love writing AUs and I hope you’ll enjoy this one! This will be a two parter because if I do a one shot I don’t think I could do it justice! Anyways happy readings and a new part of before us will be tomorrow! ❤️

“Winnie, Winnie sweetheart, where are you?!” You exclaimed as You ran throughout the house.

You came up to her room, pushing the door open slowly a sigh of relief leaving your lips.

”sweetheart daddy’s going to be here soon.”

Winnie glanced up from where she was lying face down in her pillow her lip wobbling “I don’t want to go mommy, please don’t make me go.” She whimpered.

Your hands fell to your side, your heartbreaking at the sight of your daughters tear stained face. You crossed the room to her bed sitting down gently at her side. Your hands rested on her head moving her brunette locks from her face.

“Winnie baby we already went through this.” You sighed. “It’s daddy’s turn to spend sometime with you, don’t you think he would be awfully sad if you didn’t go?”   
  
Another lone tear made its way down your daughters cheek, “ he has Dolores mommy, he doesn’t need me, he’ll be fine without me.” She muttered before burying her head into her pillow.

Lately this had become the routine and it only ever occurred when it was Bucky days to take Winnie, and where the problem lies you might ask? The problem was Bucky’s latest new dame dot.

Now Winnie absolutely despises dot with all her being. You know it, I’m certain Bucky knows it, and I’m sure as hell Dolores know it. I understand where my daughter comes from though I honestly do. Dolores wasn’t like us, it’s not something Winnie was used too.

While Dolores was well mannered, she was also materialistic. Where she was prim and proper she was also very loud mouthed. Why Bucky had chosen to keep her around as long as he did, well you honestly just weren’t sure what kept her around.

Since your split it was no news to you about the different dames Bucky had started to bring around. Each new conquest lasting a night, two if Bucky was feeling rather lonely. So why Dolores had made it past the two nights really left you bewildered. Dolores while pleasant to be around could only be taken in doses, and You could only assume your daughter had reached her limit upon first meeting her. It was upsetting to think that Bucky would keep someone around when it was clearly affecting the one thing that should be most important to him than some dame, his daughter. It was clearly beginning to affect their relationship she dreaded spending time with her dad now! While Bucky was rather slow at picking up on things, he couldn’t possibly be that blind to it could he?

The loud knock of a door pulled you from your thoughts, a sigh leaving your lips as you gave your daughter one more comforting rub before making your way to the front door. You pulled it open giving Bucky a small smile

“hey Bucky, you might want to come in, it’s one of those days.”

Bucky raised a brow at your request but came in anyway“everything okay, why isn’t she ready, did she not know I was coming?”

"of course she knew you were coming, but just like every other time you’ve come she’s refusing to go, I'm honestly surprised you haven't picked up what the problem is." You huffed.

Bucky cocked his hip his arms crossing on his chest, "There's a problem, please do enlighten me to what this "problem" is because surely i have been left in the dark about it."

You sent him a glare, "please don't pretend as if you don't see it Buck, please don't act as if you don't see who the problem is!"

Now it was Bucky's turn to send you a glare letting out a breath in frustration, "Seriously y/n this again, are you sure that Winnie is the one with the problem and not you, did you forget that the reason that we are in this current situation is because of YOU, YOU asked for this not me!" he seethed.

You scoffed, tears began to pool at the back of your eyes threatening to spill over. "Don't you dare put this solely on me James Buchanan Barnes, i did not ask for this, i was willing to fight for us but YOU are the one that chose to leave, so don't you dare put this over my head because i would never have wanted this not in a million years!" You cried leaning forward to poke his chest.

It was true, you had never asked for this, this isn't what you had imagined would have happened to your family when you had finally decided enough was enough. You had just gotten tired, tired of the disappointments, the tears, the broken promises, the feeling of being placed on the back burner. Tired of wiping your daughters tears from the times her father could not attend the special events, tired of making promises for her that her father had broken.

"Well jealousy doesn't look pretty on you." he muttered.

"How dare you Barnes, what gave you the damn nerve to tell me that, when i decided to finally confront you its because i had had enough i never intended my words to be taken as i wanted to separate you think this is what i wanted." You questioned your anger quickly flaring "Of course not, i wanted to work on us, i was willing to fight for us, but you, you just let us go, so don't you dare think i would ever be jealous of one of your conquests!"

You hadn’t intend for your words to come out so harsh but what did you have to be jealous of Dolores for?! You really hadn’t ever expected to be in this situation, you never saw your life panning out like this. Bucky new exactly why you had come at him the way you did, he knew the reason your family was in the situation you were in now and he was very much the reason for it. Bucky lived a very busy life working for stark industries, always being swamped with projects, closing deals, staying late in the office to finish proposals, you name it. There was always responsibilities that got placed before both you and your daughter and it was heartbreaking to have to wipe your daughters tears when daddy was a no show to her most special events. There was bring your parent to school day, her winter recital, end of the year talent show, work somehow always got in the way.

Your final straw had been Christmas Eve, Winnie had been so excited to finally spend time with her daddy sitting around the Christmas tree in her jammies while opening presents and showing each and every one to bucky. Winnie knew how busy her daddy was and she knew that he missed some events due to work, so for this reason she had made him pinky promise her that he would be here, that work wouldn't keep him from this promise. Alas promises are meant to be broken at times and this one hadn't been the first.

Bucky was an amazing father, Winnie had him wrapped around her fingers from day one. One could not be without the other, they were two peas in a pod. When work got in they way though, well buckys priorities tended to fly out the window.

"y/n that's not what i meant, you know Winnies my girl, you're my gir-"

You raised your hand silencing him "please don't buck, i don't want to fight with you anymore." You whispered letting your head fall.

"daddy, daddy, daddy!" 

Buck and you both turned you heads at the squeal of your daughters voice. You both watched as she raced into the room making a beeline for Bucky's legs. He leaned down scooping her in his arms as she crashed into him her arms encircling his neck tightly.

"Hey sweetheart you ready to spend sometime with daddy?" he asked bouncing her on his hip.

Winnie nodded frantically, "of course daddy im so excited to go to the park with you and grandma Winniefred!"

Bucky's face fell "Uhm actually sweetheart Dot invited us to go to the ice rink with her and her family, you'd like that wouldn't you?"

Your daughters smile quickly became solemn her head dropping "yeah i guess so."

Bucky tried to lighten the mood again by bouncing her on his hip promising that they would have an absolute blast at the rink together. "What do you say we get going sweetheart so we can go have some fun." Winnie nodded her head "alright doll tell mommy by and you'll see her Christmas Eve."

Winnies head perked up as she leaned forward wrapping her hands around your neck pulling you in tightly causing your footing to throw you off and sending you tumbling into buckys chest. Winnie gave you an onslaught of kisses, while you braved yourself against buckys chest allowing yourself to feel him. You pulled back grasping her cheeks in your hands, "winnie you be good for daddy and you have fun alright, ill see you on christmas eve, make sure you tell grandma winniefred that i love her to pieces okay?"

Winnie nodded her head leaning in for one more kiss before grasping onto bucky again. Bucky opened the door stepping out as you handed him Winnies overnight bag. "I'll have her back on Christmas Eve." he muttered giving you a quick nod of his head as he walked down the pathway of your once shared home. You watched from the doorway as Bucky loaded Winnie into her seat making sure she was secure before walking around to the drivers side and starting the car. You continued to watch even as they drove down the street only closing the door once they were out of view.

The days without Winnie were the longest, there was only so much cleaning that could be done and that was just in the first day. Looking around at your now spotless home you decided that you needed to just relax. Grabbing a bottle of wine you plopped yourself onto the couch turning on the tv to tune into some netflix. You scrolled through the endless series and movies, nothing catching your eye, you chose to scroll a few more titles pausing when your phone began to vibrate from your pocket. You placed your wine glass down reaching for your phone, you squinted in confusion "Grandma Winnifreds" caller ID flashing across the screen.

You slid the green button bringing the phone up to my ear.

"Hello"

"Oh thank god you answered sweetheart" winniefreds voice came through in a panic.

"Mom are you okay what's going on, are you okay, is winnie okay?" You asked your voice wavering in panic.

A choked sob sounded through on the other end of the line, "I'm so sorry y/n, please dont be mad at me."

Your worry began to rise more, "Momma what are you on about, whats going on please just tell me, is winnie okay?"

"We're in the emergency room sweetheart, winnie had an accident.."


	2. Put you first

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note! So this one was a rather hard one to get out but i am satisfied with it! There will be one last chapter to this series so stay tuned for tomorrow! Hope yall enjoy it and Happy Readings!

Your breathing stopped, heart caught in your throat, your eyes wide, “I’m on my way, text me the address of the hospital you’re at I’ll be there soon!”

You had never moved faster than you did at that moment in time. You jumped from the couch glass of wine abandoned as you moved around the house quickly gathering your things. You were out the door and on the streets in seconds. 

You arrived at the hospital within minutes finding the spot closest to the Emergency Room. You shut off your car grabbing your bag and jacket as you ran to the doors.

Walking into the emergency waiting room you searched the area frantically.   
“mommy!” You heard your daughter shout.

Your eyes fell to the corner of the room onto your daughter who sat in a wheel chair next to your mother in law Winniefred. You walked over to the pair giving your mother in law a tight hug before squatting next to your daughter.

“Oh sweetie what happened to you, are you okay, does it hurt? You questioned voice laced with worry.

“It happened at the skating rink.” Winniefred answered. “I had turned away just for a second when I heard her scream out in pain, I couldn’t get to her fast enough.” 

A gasp left your mouth you turned to look at your mother in law, “is it broken, and what do you mean you couldn’t get to her fast enough where was Bucky ma?”

Winniefred shook her head, “ I just sent her papers back in dear, you got here right on time she has yet to be called back, I will let you know that our little Winnie was a brave girl the entire time on our way here only cried once.”

You smiled lovingly at your daughter rubbing a finger over her cheek. You gave yourself a second to relax thanking that it had been nothing more than possibly a broken foot. You took a moment to gaze around the almost empty waiting room realizing that something or rather someone was missing.

“ Ma where’s Bucky, why isn’t he here with you girls?”

Winniefred went to answer but was cut short when they called for you.

“ **Barnes**!”

You stood up helping your mother in law gather all your things as you wheeled your daughter back to the examining rooms. The doctors were quick to assess the situation sending your very frightened daughter off to the x-ray room

“mommy..” she had whimpered as the nurse had come to take her.

your heart broke at the sight of her tears, you leaned down by her side rubbing her hair “Winnie, baby, the nice nurse has to take you so we can see what’s wrong with your foot baby, it’ll be super quick and me and grandma will be right here waiting for you.”   
  


she sniffled wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt “and daddy too?” she whispered.

You gave her a warm smile a sigh leaving your lips “and daddy too baby, me and grandma Winnie will make sure of it.”

At that Winnie let herself be wheeled away to get her x-rays done. You turned to your mother in law sitting in the unoccupied seat next to her “Ma I need to know where Bucky is.”

She let out a sigh, “I’m not sure sweetheart, last I had seen of him is when he dropped me and Winnie off at the skating rink because supposedly Dot had forgotten something at her apartment, that’s why we’re here because I wasn’t able to watch Winnie on my own, I’m so sorry I let this happen.”

Your anger began to flare, you grasped her hand in yours grabbing her attention “none of this is your fault ma, I promise I don’t blame you for this, things happen for a reason and this is one of those situations, listen I’m going to go give Bucky a call see if I can get him over here, I’ll be right outside.”

She nodded her head at you signaling for you to go do what you needed to. You stepped out taking your phone from your pocket breathing deeply to try and reign your emotions that were coursing through you. Once a little calmer you scrolled through your contacts pressing on Bucky’s name as you brought the phone up to your ear.

“hello” Bucky answered his breathing labored.

You couldn’t believe this man, “Really Bucky, your daughter is in the emergency room with your mother and i and your rolling around in the sheets with Dot?!” You seethed.

You could almost hear him sit up, “Emergency room, why there, what happened to Winnie?!” He question his voice rising in panic.

“Oh so you do care, well you would have known why had you for once put your daughter before your damn girlfriend!” You exclaimed tears coming to your eyes.

“y/n” Bucky tried.

“No Buck I’ve had it, now you listen to me because I’m tired of this. Your daughter needs you right now, she’s asking for her dad and I need you to be that for her, you might not love me like you once used to seeing how in her clutches Dolores has you, but goddamnit James I need you too, I can’t do this alone.” You sniffled a lone tear running down your cheek.

The line had gone silent, the only sound being that of buckys breathing and dot asking him to come back to bed.

Of course Dot..

You wiped at your tears taking in a breath to calm yourself, “Please Bucky, please don’t disappoint Winnie, I’ll send you the address of the hospital if you choose to come.” You spoke ending the call quickly after not wanting to disappoint yourself further if he didn’t tell you what you so badly wanted to hear

You sent Bucky a quick text with the address to him pocketing your phone as Winnie appeared from around the corner. The nurse wheeled her into the room informing you that the doctor would come in when he had the results of the x-ray. You thanked the nurse as she situated Winnie onto the hospital bed allowing her to get more comfortable while you waited.

You took a seat next to your daughter on the hospital cot wrapping her in your arms when she buried her face in your chest.   
“mommy is daddy not coming after all.” She questioned as she lifted her head big doe eyes looking back at you.

You looked to your mother in law for help, what could you say?

“I’m really not sure baby, grandma Winnie and I di-” 

a knock came at the door a nurse poking her head in, “we have a visitor for miss Winnie” She smiled pushing the door open

Bucky walked into the room, leaning over to give his ma a tight hug and kiss.

“daddy, you’re here, mommy look daddy’s here!” Winnie squealed in excitement squirming on the bed.

Bucky chuckled sitting on the hospital bed next to Winnies side, “of course I’m here baby there’s no where else I would rather be, I’ll always be here for you and mommy, you’re my girls, and I love you both so much.” He spoke grabbing her face in his hand.

Winnies eyes sparkled as she looked up at me, “did you hear that mommy, we’re daddy’s girls and he loves us!”

I placed a kiss on her head my eyes meeting buckys, “I heard little bird, I heard.”

✨

Winnie had broken her foot, the doctor tried to make light of the situation stating that at least it hadn't been her toes, like that made any of this better. The doctor had assured you and Bucky that everything would be fine but Winnie would be confined to a cast as well as a wheel chair for awhile since he didn’t think she would take to well to using crutches. Winnie didn’t take the news well to say the least, tears immediately gathering in her eyes as the doctor departed informing you a nurse would be in shortly to get Winnies cast going. Winnie turned to Bucky her head going into his chest as she clung to him, Bucky looked to you worried.

“Baby, please don’t cry, what’s got you so upset?” You questioned rubbing her back.

she sniffled gasping for air her hold tightening on him, “I won’t be able to have Christmas with daddy now!”

Bucky looked to his ma and me in question, “doll of course you will, it’s daddy’s week with you, why wouldn’t you be with me on Christmas?”   
  


Winnie looked up at her dad her eyes glistening, “Dolores is going to want all your attention, who’s going to take care of me?”

Buckys head snapped to mine, his heartbreaking before my eyes, he opened and closed his mouth not knowing how to answer. 

Your heart got caught in your throat, you went to respond to your daughter when a nurse waltzed in a cart wheeled in behind her to prep you daughter for her cast. You and bucky stood walking over to go sit by the door with his mother. The room had grown silent, the only noise in the room was the quiet giggles of your daughter and the charming voice of the nurse as she prepped her. A tension seeped into the room, looming over you like a stormy rain cloud. Bucky suddenly stood whispering that he needed to go do something and that he would be back in shortly.

Bucky's mother moved in closer to you grasping your hand in hers, "Sweetheart i know you and James are not on the best terms right now but i think you should go check on him, he seemed a little off." she whispered to me never taking her eyes off winnie.

You looked over to her nodding your head "Of course ma, keep an eye on winnie will you." you teased. You stood up walking out into the hallway looking around for Bucky finally spotting him at the end of the hall leaning against the wall head in his hands. You slowly walked over stopping at a short distance from him "Bucky?" you questioned. Bucky removed his head from his hands glancing up at you, your heart caught in your throat at the sight of glistening blue eyes staring back at you.

"y/n am i terrible dad?" he questioned voice cracking.

"Oh James, you're not, Winnie absolutely loves you, didn't you see how she lit up at the fact that you came?"

A tear slipped down bucky's cheek, you brought your hand up to wipe it away, bucky leaning into the motion. "I am a terrible father y/n our daughter doubts the love that i have for her, she thinks i wont be there to take care of her, she thinks i would choose a girl over her, y/n I'm the reason we're in this situation because i couldn't fight for our daughter, because i didn't fight for you!"

"Bucky I-"

Buckys hands craddled my face his glistening eyes pleading with mine, "Let me finish please." you nodded my mouth slipping shut. " I was stupid, I was acting selfishly and impulsively when i put all of us through this, but i didnt think i deserved you two, i didnt think that i deserved the love you two gave me everyday but god you all loved me with all you had. I had missed so many things because of work that i still cant comprehend why you stayed, why you continued to put yourself through the pain i was constantly putting you two through. I did what i did because i thought that maybe just maybe THIS was what you wanted but were to afraid to do for yourself, so i did for you, god was i so fucking stupid sweetheart, IF there is one thing i ever regretted doing was letting you and our daughter go, i will always regret never fighting for YOU, like you had fought for me." he spoke his voice wavering at the end.

A sob overtook Bucky's body as his head fell to your shoulder his strong arms wrapping around you tightly as he pulled you into him. You let yourself have this moment wrapping your arms around Bucky's neck pulling him in close to you. "Oh James, why must you live in that self deprecating head of your's, Winnie has loved you since this moment she was brought into this world, we both love you so much Buck that is why we stayed, that is why I fought for you, because your daughter and i love you, we love you so much." you whispered into his hair holding him tighter as his body shook with tears. Sure Dolores was still in the picture and you probably should not have thrown the word love around as much as you did but Dolores be damned, for there would always be a part of your heart that yearned and ached for the man in your arms.

"God sweetheart you have no idea how much i miss you and winnie, how much i miss our family." he whispered into your shoulder.

You placed your head on top of Bucky's pressing a kiss into his hair

"I wish i had fought for you sweetheart."

You laid your head against his a tear slipping from your eye as you pulled him in as close as you could get him "Just be there, please just be there." You whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is everyone the final chapter! I know my ending might not be everybody’s cup of tea, but I’ll hope you see what it is I was trying to do with it. There will likely be an epilogue and snippets of their relationship together. It might take me awhile to bring out that epilogue as I would like to continue to update on “Before Us” and my new work Never Let Me Go!

It had been two days since Winnie had her little incident, and in those two days since leaving the hospital you hadn't heard a word from her or Bucky. After your little "heart to heart" with Bucky in the hallway he had made a promise to do better, he knew he hadn't been the best dad, much less the best partner to you after having been separated in the past months. While you felt in your heart you could not forgive him entirely for what he did while separated you knew you would need to look past his decisions for your daughter's sake.

Bucky had been unsure where he stood when those words had left his daughters lips back in the room, but when Winnie had been discharged after having her foot casted and asked if daddy was going to take her with him he glanced at you eyes wide.

"Be there." You had whispered placing a comforting hand on his back.

Since then You had spent these passing days relaxing in bed,the quietness of the home and the absence of your daughter putting you in a relaxed yet restless mood. You grabbed your phone off the night stand glancing to see if you had any new notificationsa text from your mother in law popping up.

Mama Barnes: we still up for dinner sweetheart?

Your face lit up in a smile, dinner with mama Barnes had also become part of your routine since your separation with Bucky. When she had heard of the decisions Bucky had made she truly thought she would no longer be seeing you andshe couldn't bear not to have you in her life ,so she made sure every week Bucky had Winnie you had a dinner with her.

You smiled as you sent her a text back

You: Of course Ma, we can have it here i have absolutely no Christmas decorations for Winnie to come home to maybe you could help me out while dinner cooks?

Mama Barnes: Of course sweetheart anything for you and my Winnie, be there at 4!

It was already 12 in the afternoon so you had decided it was time to get out of bed, freshen up, and go through your garage to grab all your Christmas decorations you had accumulated throughout the year. By the time you had pulled in the last box of decorations you had made yourself a whole new wall in the living room. You checked your phone to see the time still having about two hours beforeWinniefred was due to arrive so you decided to grab a glass of wine, relax on the couch, and play Netflix in the background. While pouring yourself a glass of wine, a knock sounded through the house you raised a brow, surely that wasn't Winniefred it was barely 2. You placed your glass down walking over to your front door, you pulled it open, your mouth falling open slightly in shock at the trio that stood on your porch.

"MOMMY!" your daughter giggled from her chair. You looked to the two bodies behind her, Bucky and his mother smiled at you bags in hand.

" Oh, oh my god, come in come in." you rushed out reaching out to grab some bags from their hands. You took the bags you had grabbed to the kitchen island placing them down before joining them back in the living room. Bucky had just lifted Winnie from her chair placing her on the couch gently, you took your seat next to her.

"mommy are you excited to see us?" your daughter questioned immediately once you sat down.

You smiled at her, leaning over to place a kiss to her hair, "Of course my little bird, but what brings for the occasion?" you questioned eyes meeting bucky's.

Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck smiling sheepishly, "Well we were having breakfast at Ma's when she brought up that she would be having dinner with you this evening and setting up some Christmas decorations for Winnie, and well Winnie and i thought it would be a great idea for all of us to spend sometime together."

"Yeah mommy" your daughter interrupted excitedly, "Me and daddy and grandma have been spending all this time together and having so much fun, i want to have some fun with you too!"

You smiled warmly at your daughter running a hand through her hair cupping her cheek "That sounds absolutely wonderful sweetheart, what would you love to do first?"

Your daughter squirmed around excitedly, spewing out every possible thing that she could think of doing, most if not all involving her dad. Your daughter turned to her father demanding that he carry her immediately to her room so that they could get started with a princess tea party. You and winnifred laughed at her squeals as Bucky lifted her up unexpectedly swinging her in his arms as he made his way down the hall to her room. Your heart warmed at the sight, you had never seen her as happy as you did in that moment, well since before everything.

You turned your head to your mother in law, "You wouldnt have anything to do with all this would you?" you teased raising a brow at her.

Winnies hand came to her chest mouth agape, "Sweetheart i'm appalled you would even suggest such a thing, besides i have no idea what you're talking about." she teased as she stood from the couch, "Now come dear we have some dinner to cook."

"Ma..." You warned as you stood following her into the kitchen.

You and Winniefred had always worked so well together in the kitchen, words never needed to be shared as you moved around each other preparing dinner for your family. You were currently busy stirring the pot of noddles when your daughters voice sounded through the house.

"Mommy look at how pretty we look!" your daughter exclaimed. You turned your headaway from the pot just as they walked into view you stifled a laugh at the sight of Bucky in one of your daughters princess dresses that was now torn in half from the back, a pink boa adorning his neck, and the prettiest tiara your daughter could find.

"Oh my, well aren't you two the prettiest princesses in all the lands!" you teased.

"Watch it sweetheart green is not a good color on you." Bucky spoke up a teasing glare upon his face.

You feigned a gasp, your daughter giggling behind her hands, "Now now princess i could very well take your crown if I pleased." you replied waving the wooden spoon in his direction.

Bucky raised a brow at you, "oh really now, well I'd like to see you try doll."

You placed your spoon on the oven making your way over to bucky, your daughter squealed as you drew closer wiggling in her fathers arms, buckys smirk growing on his face the closer you got. You stopped in front of them leaning onto your toes a bit to snatch the plastic tiara off of Buckys head placing it on your own. Your daughter giggled in delight,

"Well how do i look, am I the prettiest princess in all the land?" you questioned spinning.

"You look pretty mama!"

"Absolutely stunning sweetheart" mama barnes added in.

"breathtaking" bucky added causing you to freeze a bit, your cheeks warmed slightly as your eyes met his.

You removed the tiara from your head leaning closer to bucky to place it back on his head, "Looks much better on you." you whispered sending him a wink as you turned on your heel back to the stove, your cheeks on fire.

The rest of the evening had passed by in a blur, never a moment where there wasn't laughter ringing throughout the house at your daughter and Bucky's antics. Realization washed over you like a bucket of iced cold water; you missed this, you missed all of this.

"You okay sweetheart?" Winnie questioned as you washed the last of the plates and pans used for dinner.

You turned your head to gaze at her a questioning glance crossing your features, "you've been awfully quiet since dinner dear, not that it's a bad thing, you just look really happy." She answered.

You placed the sponge into its holder, facing your mother in law as you leaned against the sink a tiny frown gracing your features.

"I guess I just miss all of this ma and I don't think I ever realized just how much I did until today, this is the first time we've ever done something like this during our time separated and I guess it's just bringing up all these feelings." You paused. "Feelings that I'm afraid to let myself feel because I'm not sure I'm ready to forgive Bucky just yet for what he's put us through but god I miss him ma, and I feel like I shouldn't, I just, I don't know what to do." You sighed.

Winnie laid a comforting hand on your shoulder, "sweetheart we can't help who we love, and I know you might not believe me when I say this but Bucky has truly regretted letting you go, there has been many times throughout your time apart that he has shown up on my doorstep in tears because he knew how badly he messed up making that decision for all of you without really talking to YOU, but sweetheart Bucky really let himself believe he didn't deserve the two of you, he didn't think he deserved the love you all gave him especially with all the times he put work before the two of you."

You groaned in frustration, "Ma I knew what I was getting into when Bucky accepted the job with stark industries, yeah we fought about it and at times when it got hard things were said we didn't mean, but I never expected us to end up here, you both have told me he thinks he doesn't deserve our love but he'll take dots?" You questioned. "Winnie didn't like going with him, he put her before his own daughter ma, I mean look at what happened just two days ago."

Winniefred sighed, "sweetheart Winnie loved being with Bucky what she didn't love was Dot. Dot had been a manipulative bitch since the first time I met her and it never changed, she always knew how to twist words around to fit in her favor, sweetheart Bucky already believed he didn't deserve you two, add her to the equation and it was just a disaster waiting to happen, and Bucky being blind to her intentions well sweetheart what were any of us expecting."

You let her words sink a little more, "what am I supposed to do?"

"Oh sweetheart that I can't tell you, but I will tell you this, let yourself feel, besides nobody should have to be alone for the holidays especially not you we just couldn't allow it." She spoke pulling you into a hug.

Winniefred pulled away from the hug keeping you at arms length, "Now come my dear I believe we do have some decorating to do for the little miss." She spoke as she led you into the living room joining Bucky and your daughter.

It seems mama Winnie had been onto something that night when she spoke those words to you, because the nights to follow, ended up quite the same. You were never truly alone as the days passed leading up to Christmas Eve, because every evening the three would show up with bag laden hands telling you how much they missed you and wanted to have fun with you, and you could never turn them away not with those doe eyes they had started to use on you every time you opened your front door. The trio, or dare you say Bucky was slowly breaking away at a wall that you had built to keep yourself safe, to keep yourself from any pain. No matter how hard your tried, there was just no fighting off the feeling of wanting all this to be yours again. Surely this feeling of happiness and love couldn't go on forever right, this was just temporary?

✨

Christmas Eve had finally arrived, and Winnie would be home much later tonight after she had spent the evening with Bucky, her grandmother, and you could only assume Dolores as well. Speaking of the wicked witch, you couldn't help but wonder how she was so okay with Bucky being over at your place every evening, did she know where he was, did she know what he was doing, did she even care?

A feeling of uncertainty began to creep through your skin, the memories of past Christmas Eve and the disappointments you and your daughter had faced creeping into your mind. Was shit about to hit the fan, was the happiness you had gained over the last couple of days about to fade away into disappointment, would Bucky disappoint you again?

You had been so lost in your thoughts that you didn't hear the doorbell going off around the house, your face scrunched in confusion it was 9 in the morning, you surely weren't expecting anyone today. You threw off your covers quickly throwing on a robe as you made your way to the door

"I'm coming!" You shouted as the doorbell went off again. You pulled open the front door the cold winter wind sending a chill through you.

Bucky stood there hands shoved in his pockets "James" you questioned "what are you doing here, is everything all right, is Winnie okay? You questioned taking notice of your absent daughter.

Bucky chuckled gesturing if he could come in, " oh my god yes, of course come in."

You stood to the side as he walked in, closing the door behind him as you offered for him to take a seat in the living room. You took a seat next to him a silence washing over you, you cleared your throat.

"so what brings you over here?"

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck a nervous quirk of his, " I came because I wanted to ask if I could have Winnie for one more night."

You raised a brow at him when his eyes met yours, "that's honestly fine with me buck but are you sure that's what you want to do, it won't upset Dolores?" You couldn't help but to slip in her name,things had been going far too well.

Bucky chuckled, "Dolores won't mind doll" your smile fell a bit "she won't mind because she won't be there."

Your brow furrowed in confusion, "is she going out of town or something?"

Bucky threw his head back laughter blooming from his chest, "I'm honestly not sure what's she doing doll, I'm not with her anymore." Bucky spoke his eyes meeting yours.

Your mouth opened and closed not quite finding the words you were looking to say, what did you even want to say, was Bucky expecting for this new revelation to fix everything?

"Buck I don't- I don't know what you want me to say..."

Bucky gave you a small smile his hand reaching out to grasp yours, "I'm not expecting you to say or do anything sweetheart, I was incredibly selfish, I was an ass, I hurt our daughter, and more importantly I hurt you, look y/n I'm not expecting you to forgive or ever think of giving me a second chance because hell if I were in your shoes I surely wouldn't, all I want is to be there for you and our daughter even if it's from a distance like we're doing now, I'm sorry I couldn't have figured this out before I put both of you through all of this but I want to fix this if you'll let me."

Tears welled in your eyes, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. Bucky removed his hand from yours bringing it up to cup your cheek, leaning forward as he placed a kiss to your head, he moved stopping a short distance from your face. "If you decide that you'll let me try to right my wrongs, I'd like for you to come spend Christmas Eve with me and our daughter at Ma's, you don't need to be alone for the holidays doll." He whispered his breath ghosting over your face. Your nodded your head not trusting your voice. Bucky removed himself from you standing up to head to the door, he opened it pausing in the doorway giving you a side smile before he left the door closing softly behind him.

You weren't sure how long you had sat there, the tears you had cried now dry marks on your cheeks, you were in your head. What were you going to do? Were you going to give Bucky this chance to right his wrongs, would you allow him to show you that his words were truthful, that he was actually going to be there for you both? You went through every possible scenario in your head but they all seemed to have the same outcome you knew now in your heart what you needed to do.

✨

Bucky's p.o.v

I wasn't sure what I had been expecting when I went over to the home I shared with Y/n. I honestly wasn't expecting anything, except maybe the door slamming in my face, god knows I deserve it. It took a hospital visit, your words, and my daughter, to finally push me through the fog that I had been in, that dot had put me in. I hadn't thought I had hurt the two of you as much as I did, Dot was always telling me that the two of you didn't need me, that you two were obviously fine without me, it was always being told me so I started to believe it, I truly started to believe that only dot loved me, that only dot needed me, god was I so fucking stupid.

I realized her intentions after the call I had with you when Winnie was in the emergency room. I was trying to rush out of her apartment, while she was begging for me to come back to bed. I argued with her that Winnie had been in an accident because I wasn't there. Her scoff and a roll of her eyes had been enough. How had I been so blinded by her, how did I let her lock me so tight in her clutches that I couldn't see what I was doing?

After returning from your house I spoke to an about what I had done, she gave me a pat on one cheek, planting a kiss on the other. I swore her to secrecy when I asked her not to tell Winnie that her mom would be joining us for Christmas Eve this evening, maybe I shouldn't have done that. The hours had begun to tick by with no signs of you, each hour that passed my heart grew heavier. Had I really done it this time, had I really lost you completely?

Dinner had been made and served, desert had been passed around and enjoyed with a hum of content, hot chocolate had been passed around as we took to sit by the tree. My heart felt heavy, but I remained with a smile on my face as Winnies presents were passed to me I pulled them closer to as I lifted her off her wheelchair placing her on my lap. Winnie was about to tear open into one of the gifts when a knock sounded through the house. Our heads all turning to the hallway, my hope brightened slightly maybe it was you.

My mother stood from her chair, " I'll go check who it is, hold on one minute sweetheart grandma wants to see too I'll be right back."

I tried to hear for any voices but only heard the sound of the door being shut again, my head fell, she really wasn't coming.

"MOMMY!" Winnie shouted my head shooting up.

There you stood shrugging off your coat juggling presents in your hands as you smiled widely at our daughter. You hung your coat making your way over to us taking your seat on the couch "hi baby are you going to open those presents for us to see?" Your eyes hadn't quite met mine, instead focused on our daughter as she opened her first gift for the night. You spent most of your time focused on our daughter and my mother not really chancing me a glance, had you only come because of them and not the promise I had made. Winnie asked if we could turn down the light and put on a Christmas movie.

I lifted her off the floor gently placing her in between me and you, " no daddy I want to sit on you and mommy next to you so I can put my feet's on her!"

"I'm assuming you want grandma to have your head in her lap then." I teased.

"Oh no James, I don't think I'll be able to stay awake through the movie, you three enjoy it." Ma spoke getting up from her chair.

"But ma you always stay u-"

" I said you three enjoy it!" She replied quickly giving the back of my head a swat. Ma gave y/n a kiss bidding her a goodnight.

Winnie got comfortable on my lap telling you to scoot in closer to me, we settled in, Winnie cuddling us as close as she could get us asking for us to press play on (your favorite movie).

The night drew on as we watched the film, Winnies body slowly becoming heavier.

"Buck i think shes asleep." You whispered quiet laughter spilling from your lips.

I glanced down at our daughter seeing that she had fallen asleep a tiny pool of drool falling from her lips.

The room fell into a comfortable silence, i chanced a glance at you finding you already staring back "thank you for coming out tonight doll, even if just for our daughter sake."

You reached over grabbing my hand that laid over our daughter knee grasping it tightly in yours, " while i don't know that i can forgive you right away, i know what i feel in my heart for you will never quite go away, i need you to show me that you meant what you said earlier, I'm here not only for our daughter but for you too."

"I promise you doll, ill do what it takes to prove it to you, like i told you earlier i dont expect this to change anything, i just want to be there for the two of you like i should have from the beginning."

You sent me a smile, you leaned closer you lips meeting my cheeks, lingering, "Merry Christmas Bucky."


End file.
